The day we knew our lives were changed forever

It was December 19, 2015. I awoke from a strange dream and got up to use the bathroom. Standing in the bathroom after the dream of a milk-soaked t-shirt, I reached under the cabinet for a pregnancy test. I wasn't late, I wasn't having any big symptoms (i.e. morning sickness, sore boobs, etc.) but I decided to take the test anyway. I didn't expect it to say yes, even if I actually was, because it was still 4 days before my period was even due. I did my business, and watched for the lines. The default line showed up, of course, but then seconds later (not minutes) the other line showed up. I had my glasses on and I moved them down on my face and got a little closer to look at the test. I couldn't be seeing what I thought I was, could I?? But sure enough, that second line was there, and it was dark. Not a faint little line that could be "iffy".

I began to shake. It was 7 o'clock in the morning, James was still asleep, but I opened the bathroom door and walked towards him...test in hand, wide-eyed, and shaking. He woke up before I even got to the bedside, and asked what was wrong. I couldn't even speak. I showed him the test (as if he could see it in the dark room) and mumbled something about it being positive. I leaned down to hug him and just started crying. He asked why I was crying and I blubbered something along the lines of, "Because I'm so happy!"

You see, at our age (I'm 35, he's 39) it can be more difficult to conceive. And I know so many people who struggle with infertility that 1) I couldn't believe that we were successful after 3 months of trying and 2) it almost didn't seem fair, that it would be that easy for us when so many struggle. I almost felt guilty.

We  had our first appointment at 9 weeks, and had our first ultrasound. It definitely made things more real, to see our little Tater wiggling around on the screen and to hear the little (but super fast!) heartbeat.

Before we ever started trying I had told James that if/when we did conceive I didn't want to tell anyone until we had made it out of the first trimester, just in case something happened. Well, let me tell you - that thought went right out the window and I was on my phone seconds after telling him, texting and calling those I'm closest to. My besties, my mom, etc. I blabbed at work as soon as I got there the following Monday. I just couldn't contain myself. We told his family and the rest of my family at Christmas, and found out one of his nieces is just 2 days behind me so we'll be having our babies around the same time, in August! We did refrain from posting on any social media sites until after we'd had our genetic testing and found out the gender, around 13 weeks. It was hard to keep quiet and I sort of stayed away from Facebook and my food blog until we could announce there.

Here is the announcement we  posted on Facebook: 

We were both so sure this baby was a boy. We called it a "he" anytime we talked about the baby and we just "knew" it was a boy. When the call came in with the results of my genetic testing, all results were normal, and did I want to know the sex? Um, YES!  And when she told me it was a girl, I was shocked. And then I cried. Not because I was opposed to having a girl, but I knew how badly he wanted a boy and I didn't want to tell him that it wasn't. I knew he'd get over it quickly and he'd love our little girl just as much as he would a boy, but I also knew that his initial reaction would be...disappointment. And that's ok. It's ok to have a preference. I wanted a boy my whole life. Up until maybe a year (or less) before we got married and started trying to conceive, I wanted a boy and that was that. If I had more than one child, one of each would be fantastic, but if I could only have one, I wanted it to be a boy. But the closer I got to the point of actually, possibly creating a child, I realized that all that really mattered to me was that the child be healthy, and that I could be a girl mom just as well as I could be a boy mom. Sure, I'm not the girliest of girls, I can't stand baby powder pink and the thought of all things ruffly sort of makes me  shudder, but...that's not all there is to it. And I'm not a total tomboy either so...I could do it, either way. 

I'd had a couple of dreams indicating it was a girl, and one that it was a boy. We had agreed on a girl name, but were having trouble with a boy name. I had a feeling inside that it was a girl, but I never spoke it out loud. Once I got  past the dread of telling him, once he had his moment to feel the disappointment, I couldn't help but be excited. All the bedding and furniture I had looked at was out the window now, it was all for boys, so now I had to look for new things.

Any reservations either of us may have had about having a girl have long since flown out the window and we are nothing short of ecstatic and anxiously (and impatiently) awaiting the arrival of our sweet little girl. I'm currently 15 weeks along, so we're not even half-way there yet, but time does seem to be moving along pretty quickly. I'm just now starting to see signs of the baby bump, but I can still wear most of my "regular" clothes. Jeans, are not my favorite thing, but I'm not big enough for maternity pants just yet. I felt like in the beginning I was so bloated, I looked many months pregnant some days when I was only weeks. I knew it wasn't baby bump but man...I made a little collage of the first 9 weeks of pics I took...that belly at week 8.5 was definitely not the baby! Ha! 

I stopped taking many pics after that because I wanted to wait until there was actually something to take a picture of. You know, something that was actually indicative of a baby not just belly bloat. I think we'll start weekly or monthly photos at 16 weeks, since there will probably be more to see by then. But here's the story of where it all started...the day our lives were forever changed. Our little girl will be here by the end of August, God willing, and we are so excited for the journey that will bring her here!!

Wedding Re-cap!

I posted a re-cap of the wedding on the food blog back in July, but figured I'd post it here as well, since this is the "life" blog. We've been married now for almost 3 months, and it's been as amazing as I could have hoped for! Life is busy...that's just how it goes, but all-in-all things are going fantastically and I couldn't be happier! I know, mush mush mush. But honestly...I'm so very blessed. And so now, a little re-cap of the wedding day! Fair warning, this will be a long post!

I always heard that no matter how prepared you are, something will go wrong on the wedding day. Maybe something small, but something nonetheless. And this is true, my friends. On Friday, the day before the wedding, the troops rallied to help us get the wedding venue set up. I purchased all of the table linens instead of renting them, which meant they had to be ironed. I ordered them many months in advance and so they sat folded in their boxes for all that time. I had NO idea what a task it would turn out to be to get them all ironed/steamed. Thank GOD for my mom, his sisters, and my bestie that took on that task. I nearly lost my cool just watching. So, that was not the something that would go wrong, though it was a hassle. We got the venue all set up, drinks iced down in a big cooler and off for some dinner and a good night's rest.

Fast forward to wedding day morning. J and I head to the venue at 9:30am to unlock it for our DJ and the chair delivery. He goes to the cooler to get a water and notices that water is leaking from the plug, so he drags it out onto the balcony. I, being the  helpful wifey-to-be, am holding the door open for him and then I step over so I can push it farther open. Right into the puddle of water. In flip flops. Before I know it, I hit the ground. Hard. Butt, elbows, head...concrete. OUCH. J has no clue, it happened so fast, and he turns around to find me picking myself up off the ground. Of course he rushes to help me, to see if I'm ok, and what the hell happened?? I'm more concerned about whether or not I busted my elbows or have blood or scratches that will show during the wedding. Fortunately only a very small little red mark on one elbow.

No time to dwell on that though, I have to get him back to the hotel and then head to my hair and makeup appointment. As I'm dropping him off and I'm about to tell him that I'll see him at the wedding, I remember that I forgot to hide the card I got for him to find after I was gone. So I tell him I forgot something and I go up to the room with him. I slip the card into the pocket of his slacks, show him where all my stuff is that my mom is going to put in the room I'll be getting ready in, and I head off. As I'm driving I realize that I left my tiara. I had my hand on the box for it as I was showing him what my mom would need to move over for me. Cue the bridal breakdown in my car. I'm talking bawling, y'all. I text J to tell him I forgot it, and then in a series of texts and calls from him and my mom, they decided that they will bring it to me. 45 minutes away. I'm bawling and protesting, to no avail. Oh, did I mentioned that J and my stepdad were already on flower pick-up duty?? So, I feel horrible that now they have to bring me my tiara as well. And they're worried about me hitting my head during the fall on top of all this. Bestie calls during this time too, and manages to calm me down. Thank goodness I hadn't had my makeup done yet!!

Thankfully, these were the only "mishaps" of the day, that I'm aware of, anyway! Well, a couple of the groomsmen were late getting there, but they were in time for the ceremony so that's all that counts.

Hair and makeup go well, and the girls head back to the hotel to get ready. My dad texts during this time that he will not be able to make it to the wedding. I had planned to walk myself down the aisle, so no major monkey wrenches, but sad to not have my dad there, of course. Photographer comes, gets all the pre-pics done, Bestie is running around with rings, helping with boutonnieres, etc. Basically it's sort of chaotic, but I think that's to be expected. The nerves start to set in and I decided that walking by myself down the aisle is probably not my best bet, so I have my mom send my Stepdad up to my room, and I ask him if he will walk me. It seemed appropriate considering the circumstances and who he has been to me since I was 8 years old. It was fitting for the day and he was so proud to do it.

We drive up to the venue, me in the backseat of one of the bridesmaid's SUVs, and there is J at the FRONT DOOR! So, I'm ducking down trying not to be seen and they drive me over to a back door entrance, where I needed to go in anyway. Nerves really have a hold of me now, especially with all the hiding and having seen my very handsome hubby-to-be. I just want to get down that dang aisle already!!!

We did some of the photos before the wedding, with my bridesmaids and such, and then it's time for the ceremony to start.

Once again I have to hide in a back room as J is coming to the door to walk out. I am shaking. And I keep trying to peek. Just to get another glimpse of him. But I'm not allowed, because then he might see me. And that we couldn't have. The music starts, the parents and my  Grannie are seated, our Pastor and J walk out, and now the wedding processional starts. Christina Perri's, A Thousand Years is playing, my stepdad is by my side and my heart is racing. I can't hear the words...did our part already play? Should we be walking now?? Stepdad says we should just go, so we step into the doorway. Everyone turns around. I hate being in the spotlight, but my eyes find J's and that's all I see. I keep them locked on him as we make our way down the aisle. There's a swimming pool next door and the kids are all pressed against the fence to get a glimpse of the bride. It was very cute.

Now here's something you may or may not know about me...I'm a HUGE crybaby. Like, everything makes me cry. Commercials make me cry. I have tissues in my hand, wrapped around my bouquet, because I'm sure that I'm going to cry every drop of my makeup off. But there are no tears. I'm smiling so big and so hard that it almost hurts, but that's all I can do because my heart is so full of happiness and I can't believe that in just a few minutes I get to be his wife!! My stepdad hands me over, I hand off my bouquet, and J takes both of my hands. He looks so happy. Maybe a little nervous too, but happy. My heart is soaring. The sun is beating down...it's 5 o'clock in June, of course...and then there is nice cloud cover and a bit of wind to give relief from the heat.

Our Pastor did a great job, even with a few microphone issues. Time for the vows. It was all such a
blur, repeat after him, etc. I have no idea what we said. That's bad, right? Ha! But 25 minutes later, we said "I do" and I became a Mrs. And then he got to kiss his bride. And did he ever!!

We made our way back down the aisle as Mr. and Mrs., hugs and smiles from family and friends. And then pictures of course.

All J wanted was a beer, bless his heart, but alas he had to wait until we finished with the pictures. And then we were done. Back inside for our first dance - Ed Sheeran's, Thinking Out Loud.
Who knew it was such a long song?? Haha.

Then J finally got his beer. And it was time to eat! Barbecue, of course! And my girls had a drink waiting for me at our table, too.

From there it was a whirlwind, trying to talk to everyone, the father-daughter and mother-son dances, toasts, cake-cutting, more pictures. Oh, and when Bestie did her toast - I cried. A lot. Whew! I had no idea how daunting it would be to be the bride and groom. And then I couldn't find the groom half the night!! All-in-all it was an amazing day and night and we were surrounded by so many people that love us and wanted to be there to share in our special day.

Despite the little "mishaps" there was nothing that was going to take away the joy or ruin our day. It was absolutely perfect and beautiful and amazing. Because I got to marry my best friend. At almost 35 years old, I finally got my fairy tale, and on that day I truly felt like a princess. And every morning when I wake up, I still look over and think how lucky I am to have him as my prince.

Changes...

I was looking at this very neglected blog today and decided it's time for a change...I deleted literally every post except for the wedding dress post, and decided to start anew. So, if you're just visiting for the first time...it's really not a one post blog, I promise!

A lot has changed in my life as of late...getting married and such, so I would venture to say that I will have lots of non-food things to post soon :)

I said YES! to the dress!!

This past Saturday was a quite a day for me. I woke up early, made two venison sausage and baby greens quiches, and started preparing for company to arrive. My mom and step-dad, along with my friend (and one of my bridesmaids) would be arriving at my house around 10 a.m.

My step-dad and J were going to work on some house repairs while my mom, Amber and I drove to David's Bridal to meet Tracy and Jillian (my Matrons of Honor) so I could find my wedding dress. It was chaotic in the store and my consultant was a little...well, she was nice to me, but a little snotty/snarky to my girls. Which I didn't like.

There were two dresses that I went to the store intending/hoping to try on. Neither one of those dresses was actually IN the store. Go figure, right? So, we went over my likes and dislikes, what I was looking for in a dress, etc. and she started pulling some off the racks.

Things moved pretty quickly and Tracy hadn't yet arrived by the time I went into the dressing room, but she got there just after I came out in the first dress. She walked up and got teary-eyed and said, "It's so real now!" I waved my hand at her and told her no crying allowed, because if she (or anyone else) started crying, then I'd cry, and we'd never get through the day!

So about the first dress...it was amazing. Other than having a longer train that I wanted (I wanted pretty much no train at all), I couldn't complain about anything. The perfect neckline, nice detailing, and it made me look SO skinny! Like, size 2 skinny. Which I am nowhere near...lol...but it made me feel that small!

After that I tried on about 4 more dresses (5 total). I liked dresses 2 and 4, notsomuch dress 3, and hated dress 5. So, in the end I circled back to the very first dress and that is the dress that I will walk down the aisle in. I can't wait to see his face when I walk out onto the aisle.

I'm not much of a girly girl, and I don't really "do" frilly or princessy or whatnot, but this dress really made me feel like a pretty, pretty princess and I didn't want to take it off. That, my friends, is how you know you've found the one. The dress.

Of course he wants to see it, or a picture, but I told him no way. I want the first time he sees it to be on our wedding day. Not so much because it's "bad luck" or tradition, but because I want to see the look on his face when he sees me all done up...hair, make-up, and that dress. He's going to be blown away. Maybe even get teary-eyed himself :)

I'd post a pic, but ya know...the off chance that he could see it here, means you have to wait as well!!